Taoism: Shit Happens.
Hare Krishna: Shit Happens Rama Rama Ding Ding
Hinduism: This Shit Happened Before
Islam: If Shit Happens, Take A Hostage
Zen: What is The Sound of Shit Happening?
Buddhism: When Shit happens, Is it really Shit?
Confucianism: Confucius Say, "Shit Happens".
7th day Adventist: Shit happens on Saturdays.
Protestantism: Shit Won't Happen If I Work Harder.
Catholocism: If Shit Happens, I Deserve It.
Jehovah's Witness: Knock, Knock, "Shit Happens".
Unitarian: What is this Shit?
Mormon: Shit happens Again and Again and Again.
Judaism: Why does this Shit Always Happen to Me?
Rastafarianism: Let's Smoke This Shit.